More inocent days

WHAT?

WRONGGGG!!

Xmas card 1

Nailing David Cameron

As an experiment, I did this with my milk-laden mam out as reference.
Nearly there..

The 'Sorry we nearly killed you' card

Day started with putting on silly hat on baby so he could watch blokes from the harbourmaster office pump out black water tank. Toys rolling off starboard because of much shit in tank.

The pump out boys seems to be having problems again. One of the guys comes on to say that nothing is happening and the shit has gone solid, we need to get some kind of chemical toilet poo eating solution down there. Then I should order another pump out in a couple of days.

I ring Husband, and say can we take Elvis the tender to go to chandlery to get solution, faster then me praming it and more fun.

Husband turns up with friends from work and we set off. Get to chandlery, one of the friend realises he is late for work appraisal and decided to make a run for it to work as the boat is over taken by joggers on the key side speed wise. Wise man. Baby falls asleep in floating car chair.

I take over driving,and it is a uneventful drive back.

Swans strangely agitated as we near the houseboat. Friend from work is perched on end off boat; Husband doesn’t like the way I usually park by gently crashing into side of houseboat and want to try out new boat hook.Tells me not to get as close

Friend for work, makes grab for ropes as we pass, both me and husband both say, ‘No don’t do that at same time, he goes horizontal just before he falls into icy docks, I cant see him.

Oh fuck he’s gone under.

No he’s clinging on the front like 007, Husband maneuver boat to crap boarding ladder Iv whinged about for past 3 years. It’s too short and when your in the water you cant clime up it, or so Iv always reconed.
I was right..
His (husband) rope loop he made to rectified this is tied onto bucket by pump out men trying to unclog pump out. I am watching as friend clings on for dear life to wonky ladder as husband seems to be trying to untie a bucket. I push rope atached to fender over to man in water and he holds on until it rips.
I cant give him Elvis rope as it will flip small boat me and baby is on if he goes under

I ask husband in calm voice to dewonkafie the ladder and try and pull him up. Husband after gallant effort pulls him up. Tell husband to get him straght in and under warm shower. he comes back and helps me out with sleeping baby in floaty chair.

Sugary tea and a duvet round friend, he’s keep apologising and Husband brings him dry clothes.

The only socks he has left are black with pink stripes ones he bought out of a multi pack of difrent colours but refuses to wear because of pinkness. husband allso gives him his spare twat sandals that are 3 sizes big for friend. I say it’s a bit insult to injury make him look like a cunt as well as nearly killing him, they are nearly two hours late back for work.

I remember Husband has Wellingtons and he gives them to him instead. They try to slide back to work unknotist.

Husband returns later that night bearing chocolate and looking very scared, I hit him with a soup ladle when I was pregnant as I was hormonal and he nearly killed the chipy(Carpenter) when he asked him to fix the main power supply to the boat after he melted the fuse box using a giant chop saw.

Baby has worked out how to use the bouncer today.