More inocent days

WHAT?

WRONGGGG!!

Xmas card 1

Nailing David Cameron

As an experiment, I did this with my milk-laden mam out as reference.
Nearly there..

The 'Sorry we nearly killed you' card

Day started with putting on silly hat on baby so he could watch blokes from the harbourmaster office pump out black water tank. Toys rolling off starboard because of much shit in tank.

The pump out boys seems to be having problems again. One of the guys comes on to say that nothing is happening and the shit has gone solid, we need to get some kind of chemical toilet poo eating solution down there. Then I should order another pump out in a couple of days.

I ring Husband, and say can we take Elvis the tender to go to chandlery to get solution, faster then me praming it and more fun.

Husband turns up with friends from work and we set off. Get to chandlery, one of the friend realises he is late for work appraisal and decided to make a run for it to work as the boat is over taken by joggers on the key side speed wise. Wise man. Baby falls asleep in floating car chair.

I take over driving,and it is a uneventful drive back.

Swans strangely agitated as we near the houseboat. Friend from work is perched on end off boat; Husband doesn’t like the way I usually park by gently crashing into side of houseboat and want to try out new boat hook.Tells me not to get as close

Friend for work, makes grab for ropes as we pass, both me and husband both say, ‘No don’t do that at same time, he goes horizontal just before he falls into icy docks, I cant see him.

Oh fuck he’s gone under.

No he’s clinging on the front like 007, Husband maneuver boat to crap boarding ladder Iv whinged about for past 3 years. It’s too short and when your in the water you cant clime up it, or so Iv always reconed.
I was right..
His (husband) rope loop he made to rectified this is tied onto bucket by pump out men trying to unclog pump out. I am watching as friend clings on for dear life to wonky ladder as husband seems to be trying to untie a bucket. I push rope atached to fender over to man in water and he holds on until it rips.
I cant give him Elvis rope as it will flip small boat me and baby is on if he goes under

I ask husband in calm voice to dewonkafie the ladder and try and pull him up. Husband after gallant effort pulls him up. Tell husband to get him straght in and under warm shower. he comes back and helps me out with sleeping baby in floaty chair.

Sugary tea and a duvet round friend, he’s keep apologising and Husband brings him dry clothes.

The only socks he has left are black with pink stripes ones he bought out of a multi pack of difrent colours but refuses to wear because of pinkness. husband allso gives him his spare twat sandals that are 3 sizes big for friend. I say it’s a bit insult to injury make him look like a cunt as well as nearly killing him, they are nearly two hours late back for work.

I remember Husband has Wellingtons and he gives them to him instead. They try to slide back to work unknotist.

Husband returns later that night bearing chocolate and looking very scared, I hit him with a soup ladle when I was pregnant as I was hormonal and he nearly killed the chipy(Carpenter) when he asked him to fix the main power supply to the boat after he melted the fuse box using a giant chop saw.

Baby has worked out how to use the bouncer today.

Birth

Political breast alikeys.

It all started with the last post, I noted the breasts used had a remarkable similarity to the comedian Marty Feldman.

 So I decided if I could find breasts that were some how reminiscent of our own political leaders.

 David Cameron’s Breast alikey

 

Gordon Browns Breast alikey

 

Nick Cleggs breast alikey

Pie of the times.

From Lady TT, south coast correspondent,
TT : 'Oh dear, looks like Worthing's going downhill fast...'

We'll make cuts, Gordon Brown tells TUC

Fanny by Gaslight GADDAFI DUCK

Fanny by Gaslight VPL

Afghan Election

Random crain photos no 1

Contractions start, contractions stop. Have sex with a pineapple whilst bathing in raspberry leaf tea. Last night a man tried to commit suicide by jumping in water beside the cabin I sleep in/nursery. The lovely lads dealt him with from S7 who talked him out of it. He runs off and has politeness and decency to throw him self into docks further up stream. Swans make totally different noise when someone is in the water.

Veteran 2000AD cartoonist Ron Smith charged with sexual assault.

Hope it’s not true. Cartoonist community in the UK ‘shocked and saddened if proved to be the case’
See:

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2473322/Girl-of-13-abused-by-artist.html

Sorry about below, I couldn’t help my self.

Nick Griffin BNP (Wonder if his nickname at school was Nig)

Fanny by gaslight Expenses special!

Homebirth

Zapiro

Sitting in Zapiro's back Garden, with a bottle of beer. (A wee word about political cartooning and South Africa)



School Photo - with Pieter-Dirk Uys (SA's most famous comedian, after the show). L-R: Paul from the British Council, Alix Hughes, Matt Buck, Me, Tanya Tier, Jonathan Zapiro, P-D Uys, Michelle - boyfriend of:, John Curtis, Steve Bell and Matt H.


Jacob Zuma sues cartoonist Zapiro for £700000

I sat in the back garden of Jonathan Shapiro (Zapiro) about four/five year ago with a bottle of beer watching the colours on table top mountain change in the sun set. This impressive lightshow was an accompaniment to a gathering that left my face hurting from laughing so much.It also left a feeling of being punched in the ribs that lasted for days.
The conversation was fast, humorous and very political.
I was part of an exchange project for political cartoonist set up by the British council. My self and four other young(ish) cartoonists, plus the illustrious Steve Bell from the Guardian were sent to make our impressions of the political scene in South Africa at the time.
As the light hit the mountain with purple, the conversation between the two cartoonists Steve Bell and Jonathan Zapiro turned to the darker side of being a political cartoonist. A collective hush fell among us wanabe's. This was pre 'the Mohammad cartoons' days.
Naively I assumed that if some one didn't like your cartoon the worst thing that could happen was they didn’t laugh... right?...Wrong.
Up until then it had never really crossed my mind about the possibility that there was actual danger involved in cartooning, growing up in Northern Ireland I was experienced at getting peoples backs up for minatory views such as pacifism and dressing like a Goth. I remember even being threatened from a passing car for consorting with protestants, I was not entirely inexperienced with the implications of sticking your tongue out at people who may have had guns on there laps. That was however the bravado of being a teenager.
I found my self nervously picking at the label of my beer bottle as Jonathan recounted the story of his incarceration for his pro ANC cartoons during the Apartheid era. The cartoon in question was a jolly looking A3 in a 'Where’s Wally” style of various figures in a street scene. It could of sat comfortable in a Beno comic in its cute style and inoffensiveness, (That’s if you weren’t a insane fascist racist of course)
If I remember correctly it was the small detail of the simple inclusion of the word ANC on the side of a bus in the centre of the cartoon that was the catalyst in having his life turned upside down, and being thrown in a cell.
He told us of watching for kites flown on a hill near the prison by his mates through the bars of his window; they would do this to keep his Spirits up. When he got out, he experienced surveillance and intimidation.
I remember thinking, would I be prepared to stand up and be counted for something I had drawn to the extent that this man did.?
Jonathan’s youngest kid was playing on the grass of the back yard. She was just a bit younger then my own daughter and a pang of longing to see my own child back in the UK hit me.
As a mother, part of my job was to keep out of trouble. Was the sexist old cartoonist we saw earlier that day right about women not being right to political cartoon? Was it a ‘woman on the front line’ argument rather then the ability to find the killer instinct required for this kind satire, that the old cynical cartoonist had alluded to.
Would I be prepared to face the wrath of a country’s government for the artistic equivalent of giving the finger? Those small lines on paper that can provoke laughter, and in turn shake the ground beneath your feet.
The beer bottle was almost striped clean by now and Tabletop Mountain was bathed in theatrical style under lighting. I rember watching the unfamiliar star constellations gradually coming into view, the starry cross I had never seen before.
We talked about the things that had shocked us on are tour, the history, the personal story’s of the people we meet, and the physical scars on the very landscape that could still be seen.
But it was with a positive shock that we had all come to realise that freedom of speech in South Africa was better then in the UK at that time.

What was hard fought for was sacred now or so it seemed...at the time.
This government was now answerable to a constitution that was fresh and elegant. The most beautiful of creations of political struggle to break, for a long time.
One of are BC guides was a pleasant but christen lady who didn’t approve of the rights of gay adoption, we were treated to her muttering darkly in presents of one of the people who wrote the constitution that it had all gone a bit 'too far' when it came to the 'Gays’
But that was her right to say it, that’s what it was all about.
Rational Counter argumen with a resulting democratic consensus was what the people of South Africa had enshrined in their squeaky new government, right?
As transparent a notion as the glass walls of their high court of human rights.
My self and my other trainee female political cartoonist in the group were, on return to the UK to find that the acceptance of a female political cartoonist was a something that the UK was not ready for either, unlike this hopeful new country.

I found my self-national published while in South Africa and quaked in fear and wonder at giving the finger to the president personally. As I drew the cartoon, a small sense of personal danger was overtaken by such a fierce and righteous anger at the murderous heath policy of Thabo Mibeki.
As I peered at it on the news stands in Cape Town I remember feeling elated tinged with, ‘Oh s**t what have I done..’

And now I hear there having a go at Jonathan again. I knew the wheel would turn perhaps but not as soon as this.
Jacob Zumas trial was part of the unpleasant rot that had set in during Mbeki's administration.
The corruption and jobs for the boys would put Jackie Smiths husbands Jazz flicks well in perspective.
Zumas rape trial had a bit of the OJ about it. The concept of showering after sex to stop HIV transmission professed by Zuma during the trial made for a quick intake of breath in its warped clarity. The guy was an asshole, and as dumb as the man who didn’t believe it existence in the first place, the idiot Thabo Mibeki, he now has replaced.
I feel if they continue to hound Jonathan (Zapiro) for his recent cartoons of Zuma they have already killed the dream they all worked, died and suffered for. I hope this is not true; I still have high hopes for the country. I met enough decent people over at the time to convince me that they could out weigh the idiots.

During our stay everyone in the ‘wanabie’ cartoonist group, at one time or another was overcome by an overwhelming urge to sing the song from ‘Spitting image’ called ‘Iv never met a nice south African’. We had devised a plan of ankle kicking/beating each over the head with sketch books if any one felt the Tourettes like urge to start singing it during are stay in front of any of are hosts.
Jonathan (Zapiro) and his lovely misses came and took us all for a days sight seeing before we flew back, the subject of ‘Spitting image’ came up. During apartited, bootleg copies were circulated and laughing at puppets became a very dangerous pass time.
Just as were got back to our hotel, him and his missus broke in to the most joyful spontaneous rendition of ‘Iv never met a nice South African,’

‘No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of talentless murderers
Who smell like baboons, sniff sniff’

We sat shocked in the back for a moment and then broke into hysterical laughter, that came in waves of relief.
Freedom of speech is not just something you do, its something you have to take as well.
Humour and democracy require self-deprecation.
That’s part of the deal.

Pecular Images on websites

My attention has been drawn by 'Anonymous' commentator to another peculiar image on found on the web. Many thanks to 'Anonymous'.

Facebook crush!

Was surprised to have this pop up on my facebook page the other day.

Pig Flu

"An Obituary printed in the London Times" chain letter

I was sent this by a well meaning relative but it it absolute full of utter crap.
First the chain letter:
"How true it is!
An Obituary printed in the London Times........ Interesting and sadly rather true.
'Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who
has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was,
since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the
worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend
more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children,
are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens
suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher
fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the
job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly
children.

Common Sense declined even further when schools were required to get
parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student;
but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted
to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as some churches became businesses;
and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common
Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar
in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in
her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust
his wife, Discretion his daughter, Responsibility his son, Reason
He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you still remember him, pass this on.
If not, join the majority and do nothing "

My reply to this utter crap and forwarded on the chain letter list:

"His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate"

Case actually originated from Carolina USA see: http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/our-criminal-obsession-1126121.html .You are probably allowed to marry your horse in this state but get flung in jail for teaching evolution.
Hear in the UK in a recent horrific case in Bristol http://www.thisisbristol.co.uk/news/article-213743-details/article.html involving the very serous assault by a 10 year old on a younger child, the authorities did little to intervene in this case. It was the parents that had to put pressure on authorities to take action.

>"teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch" Apparently in the new York school where this happened, the individual was seen drinking it and had bragged to his class mates it was 20% proof. In America it is common for high school kids to get drunk on mouth wash so it is banned from the premises of most high schools.
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=990CE3D71E3DF93AA25751C0A963958260&n=Top%2FReference%2FTimes%20Topics%2FSubjects%2FC%2FCosmetics%20and%20Toiletries

>"a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student" I have tried to find this from news sources but the only time it comes up on a surch is in relation to this chain leter. If you can find the news source from a reliable and Bipartisan source I will send you a fiver.

>"Common Sense declined even further when schools were required to get
parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student" Its called anaphylactic shock and it can kill a child.
Primary school kids are rubbish at telling you about stuff like this so you have to ask the parents. Children in secondary schools are expected to look after them self's when it comes to sun lotion and aspirin (Usually from hangover drinking mouth wash)

>"but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted
to have an abortion"

PLEASE, has anybody noticed that this country has the worst teen pregnancy rates in Europe http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4584175.stm .
Sex education in schools happens later then anywhere else in the EU. The people who are against a woman's right to chose, usually are against Sex education too.
The denial of safe access to terminations, the facts:

"...Illegal abortion in the UK

Before the 1967 Abortion Act was passed most women who wanted to end their pregnancies would have had to resort to self-induced or back street abortions.

Accurate figures for women injured by illegal abortion before 1967 are not available, as many women would not admit that their injuries resulted from abortion for fear of incriminating themselves and the illegal abortionist. In 1959, however, it was estimated by a parliamentary committee that the treatment of abortion accounted for as many as 20% of genealogical admissions withing the NHS. In 1966 the Home Office estimated that 100,000 abortions were being carried out each year. Other estimates put this figure at 150,000.

Widespread injury and infection often led to infertility and other permanent health problems, and death by septicemia (blood poisoning) or hemorrhage (bleeding) was not uncommon. In 1966 up to 40 women a year in the UK died from the complications of unsafe abortion."
http://www.efc.org.uk/Foryoungpeople/Factsaboutabortion/Unsafeabortion

How many of these were girls who couldn't talk to there parents when they were pregnant ended up dead?.

Please do not pass on this chain letter, its a load of reactionary rubbish.

Lou Mckeever